Monday, May 11, 2015

Sometimes I'm just afraid, I guess
of asking, of knowing, even of wondering..
Of having to face a reality that is nothing like the picture I had painted

Afraid of the outcome,
the emotions, the condescending looks, the patronizing talks
Of being vulnerable and fragile

Sometimes I wonder if my mind decided to play a trick on me
if everything was nothing but the product of wishing for something so much,
so hard, that ended up being a utopia

Truth is, we've been down this road before
I've been... down this road before
Yet it doesn't make it easier and it doesn't happen faster..

And a part of me will always try to guess if it's my fault,
'Cause maybe..deep down I knew..

Wednesday, May 06, 2015


I once was told that when you want something with all your heart, with every fiber of your being.. When you really set your mind into it, the entire Universe conspires so you can get it.

Is as if every atom of your soul and self could identify with its surrounding, as if your heart could scream literal words claiming what it wants, as if you could simply make things appear out of thin air. 

I guess, as crazy and surreal as it sounds, it must be something compared to.. the feeling of being trapped in an elevator for hours and hours, panicking and wondering if your existence is just that. One single body, confined to four little walls, hoping the bell is being heard by someone on the other side. And then... Suddenly, when all hope is lost.. It happens. The door opens.

Or maybe is like wanting a new job so much, preparing yourself day after day for weeks, months or even years at a time.. Competing with others, taking a test, passing the toughest interview you could ever imagine..  And one day, when you are least expecting it, getting the call saying that you are finally moving up ahead.

Perhaps is like having that deep, soul-wrenching desire of having someone with whom you can share your dreams with, your fears with, your hopes. Each night and each new morning. And finding yourself failing relationship after relationship, friendship after friendship, family bond after family bond... And just when you give up cause you've had about enough of the nonsense... Click! That person walks into your life, parading how compatible you are, showing off how perfectly good you fit and how they too were waiting for you.

In the simplest of terms, maybe is just that sensation you get when you achieve something, when you win something, when you finally learn or master something new. That fleeting but oh-so-satisfaying sensation of accomplishment. 

Maybe - as I was told - you really don't even have the need to put your desires and wishes into words. Maybe just by picturing what you want, seeing yourself in the position that you want, seeing that person next to you and walking by your side, mentally getting to that point of accomplishment and personal gratification... is all it takes to make the world move, the energy move.. whatever it is that makes things happen, aside from hard work and dedication.

Maybe... just, maybe.

So there, Universe.  I guess now you know what I want.