Monday, July 20, 2015

B*#@Sh!T

It's funny to me how people tend to hide behind bullshit instead of facing certain situations with the truth.

I've always believed that being honest should be your presentation letter and that it's supposed to save you a lot of headaches and heartaches in life.

However, not every gamer abides by the rules and when you play along, you might end up getting caught in a web of lies and deceit. What happens when you trust someone and within days their façade just falls apart ?

What happens when they sell you the same line they are tired of repeating over and over (sort of like the "it's not you, it's me" crap) and have you almost convinced  ... Until, fortunately, you take a step back and realize they were fooling you all along ?

People should come with an expiration date for the use of the unbelievable amount of bullshit in their lives. A timer that goes off whenever you reach a certain age, when your maturity level is supposed to kick-in; something that simply makes you play fair, be straightforward, be - for once - honest about what you think, what you feel, what you want or simply what you don't want anymore in your life.

Life is not fair, but you don't have to necessarily join the circus of jerks out there..



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Confession 101

I wish I had a constant reminder for myself, a mental post-it if you will,
something to engrave inside my head, my heart and my soul that says 'I Am Enough'.

I should be enough. Why shouldn't I ?
But every now and then, there comes a situation in my life that makes me doubt myself.
My worth, my emotional intelligence, my capacity for logic,
all possible human insecurities come afloat and drag me around for days..

I try to justify myself to people, my actions, my way of being
justify who I truly am.. and the worst ? I consciously try to change or adapt myself
to fit in. To be more likable perhaps. To be the person someone else needs in their life.
To be.. less of me, and more of the image someone else will love.

But what about the real me ? My feelings and desires ? My illusions, maybe ?
I may be too much to handle, or I may be too little.. Who knows!

I just wish, knowing how to feel about certain things would become easier..

Sunday, June 07, 2015

[Untitled]

It's ironic how we spend part of our lives building walls to avoid risks,
to avoid certain situations, or even certain kind of people..
And then.. something similar to the right moment, a good heart, an encouraging word
has the power to bring it all down.

You trust again, you smile again, you dare to dream again
and you pretend that somehow things feel different, they seem different
This time around, you are smarter, stronger, more alert..
and there is no reason to believe anything can go wrong

And life, as always, decides to deal you a hand that you just need to lose
it doesn't matter how wiser you think you may be,
It doesn't really matter what techniques you have under your sleeve, if any
it's not important if you think it's unfair

The walls came down, you took the risk and you failed
and now you are left with the what ifs and the wonder, the million questions that go unanswered
And the void and solitude each new day brings
maybe you just fell for a dream, and the dream once again let you down..

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

And so.. God..

I know you test my faith to keep me humble
so that with each new day I will recognize my own strength

I know you make some days seem longer
so I can learn how to appreciate the smaller things..

I understand that your reasons are stronger,
your purpose is wiser and with your guiding hand I shall never falter

I know that with each new battle you shape a better soldier,
and with each new challenge you carve another trait

I know despite my weaknesses, you keep me worthy of thy grace
never alone and never lonely

And I'll reach out to you, even in my darkest hours
knowing that I will find the peace I seek

My heart shall find your light,
and I will rest at night blessed with your company..










The Irony of Things ...




Life has had a funny way of changing in the last few weeks.
It has gone from up to way down.. to up again and a twister of emotions.
And as luck would have it, it has the sweet irony of kicking you when you are really, really down.

Even if you have the best of intentions or the best of wishes
you can absolutely be certain that you will be misunderstood and misjudged
and that no one will stop for a second to ask you a thing for clarification

It amazes me though, how one part of your life can be totally crumbling and falling apart
and the other remains, steady, unaltered, unaffected..

Humans should be able to process in robotic ways
Have some sort of support mechanism that allows you to separate the emotional part
from the rational one


I guess... I'll never get it.
I will still see the good in people,
still imagine the best of people and still will want the best for people
I just wished, for once, karma would do its magic and cut me some slack

Just for a minute, I'd like to have the option of saying
"Hey World! This is me, this is my stop.
This is where I get off"..






Monday, May 11, 2015

Sometimes I'm just afraid, I guess
of asking, of knowing, even of wondering..
Of having to face a reality that is nothing like the picture I had painted

Afraid of the outcome,
the emotions, the condescending looks, the patronizing talks
Of being vulnerable and fragile

Sometimes I wonder if my mind decided to play a trick on me
if everything was nothing but the product of wishing for something so much,
so hard, that ended up being a utopia

Truth is, we've been down this road before
I've been... down this road before
Yet it doesn't make it easier and it doesn't happen faster..

And a part of me will always try to guess if it's my fault,
'Cause maybe..deep down I knew..

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Conspire

I once was told that when you want something with all your heart, with every fiber of your being.. When you really set your mind into it, the entire Universe conspires so you can get it.

Is as if every atom of your soul and self could identify with its surrounding, as if your heart could scream literal words claiming what it wants, as if you could simply make things appear out of thin air. 

I guess, as crazy and surreal as it sounds, it must be something compared to.. the feeling of being trapped in an elevator for hours and hours, panicking and wondering if your existence is just that. One single body, confined to four little walls, hoping the bell is being heard by someone on the other side. And then... Suddenly, when all hope is lost.. It happens. The door opens.

Or maybe is like wanting a new job so much, preparing yourself day after day for weeks, months or even years at a time.. Competing with others, taking a test, passing the toughest interview you could ever imagine..  And one day, when you are least expecting it, getting the call saying that you are finally moving up ahead.

Perhaps is like having that deep, soul-wrenching desire of having someone with whom you can share your dreams with, your fears with, your hopes. Each night and each new morning. And finding yourself failing relationship after relationship, friendship after friendship, family bond after family bond... And just when you give up cause you've had about enough of the nonsense... Click! That person walks into your life, parading how compatible you are, showing off how perfectly good you fit and how they too were waiting for you.

In the simplest of terms, maybe is just that sensation you get when you achieve something, when you win something, when you finally learn or master something new. That fleeting but oh-so-satisfaying sensation of accomplishment. 


Maybe - as I was told - you really don't even have the need to put your desires and wishes into words. Maybe just by picturing what you want, seeing yourself in the position that you want, seeing that person next to you and walking by your side, mentally getting to that point of accomplishment and personal gratification... is all it takes to make the world move, the energy move.. whatever it is that makes things happen, aside from hard work and dedication.


Maybe... just, maybe.


So there, Universe.  I guess now you know what I want.

Conspire.

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

It's like .. that

It's that fluttery sensation..
the excitement that cannot and does not want to be contained.

The increasing pulse, the fast-paced heartbeat
a roller-coaster ride to the unexpected.

It's the hope of a new morning,
the sensation of welcoming arms, warm.. loving..

A blank canvas to be painted with an array of colors,
a new song to sing out-loud,
a new smile to kiss, new eyes to greet

It's the mystery of the unknown,
the not having a safety net,
believing in the it, the who, the why

Feeling every bit of fresh air,
tracing silhouettes with new hands,
the embrace of a sweet breath..

And letting go.. Getting lost..
to the point of no return,
and loving every minute of it..



[Untitled]

.. But her reflection wasn't there .. Mesmerized, she kept looking, hoping, waiting

Patiently still, stupidly cold, while millions of stories surrounded her 
She wasn't a part of them, they weren't a part of her and she couldn't help but wonder

What would her story tell ? Would it come out some day ? Would anyone really care ?
She wanted nothing and wanted all, but was silently begging to be heard.. 



Tuesday, March 24, 2015

[Untitled]

One way or another people will somehow always disappoint you..

Suddenly, you hear the phrase "no expectations, no disappointments" and while it is absolutely true, you can't help but wonder how many actually have the grace of applying it, living by it, believing it to their very core.

I have learned that life is a constant battle of trying to understand situations, people, places, characteristics...without judgment. And I have also learned that putting yourself out there brings you to great knowledge, to things that will leave their mark in your life (good or bad).. To feelings that perhaps aren't what you were expecting at a certain point, but that will change you forever.

Despite the fact that I have been faced with experiences that should have taught me a thing or two about human nature, I can't help but fall over and over in the perception that perhaps, one time, it will be different. That perhaps, the good that I want to see in someone else, is actually there. That maybe.. just maybe, the foggy crystal that reflects whatever it is I have imagined of the other person will clear out, and I will get the exact shape that was outlined behind it.

I'm still growing I guess. I'm still learning and I have no one to blame at times, but myself. Maybe - in reality - all that I need to do is learn one single thing that will save me time, effort, emotions... avoid certain situations, certain scenes.

I need to learn.. People grow out of commitments, responsibilities, promises...

People change. They just forget to tell each other.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

[Untitled]


".. Because some people come into your life as a shooting star, a momentary ray of light meant to show you a new path..

Others, come as a calming breeze, easing the burns left by the past

Some are lucky to share only a part of your journey,
and some will walk with you endlessly, restlessly, truthfully

Because sometimes it only takes a moment to realize the value of a good heart
and sometimes it takes being heartbroken to want back what once was

Because a smile can break you or make you
and a simple word can heal you or hurt you..
is up to you to limit the depth of the wounds

Some know when to close a chapter
and others choose to read through the old lines
forgetting where the author of the story lies

Because whether you read the story, you tell it or you write it,
it will always leave an imprint,
it will always be part of your tale .. "